rendered uncertainty

I haven't written in a long time, but oh well.. here goes nothin.


I've been home for just over a month, and i've been enjoying as much of it as i possibly can. so far this summer, i've gotten a job as a dental assistant (and am getting much better at it, might i add), have reorganized our entire home, made the front room into an office, made the entire yard look amazing, have had great relationships with my family (have had hard times too), about to watch my mom graduate with her masters tomorrow and having a big barbecue with a lot of people over, also i am going to go sky diving here within the next few weeks, and last but certainly not least, i have figured out what i am going to do for the next year and a half of my life.


so may i ask why every time i have a spare moment i feel so confused about everything? ...okay good. i take your silence as a yes. why?! i mean, i'm home with my family, i'm making good money for the summer, am able to see friends and am going to do great things within the next 2 years. why in the world do i feel lost? i believe in God, i have a testimony of the only true church there is on this earth and i know that if i remain faithful to Him then i will have a great life that i don't need to worry about.


but i do know this; that there are certain things in my past that i am not ready, or willing, to let go. i care about those things so much and do not want to miss out on the opportunity of being able to have them in my life once more... is that my problem? not being able to let the past stay in the past. thank you timon and pumbaa. I am how you say, putting my behind in the past when i should be putting my past behind me. yet, in the wonderful story of the lion king, Simba did put the bad things in the past (in a way) and in the end, the good things of his past also became his future. i know that doesn't happen to a lot of people on this earth, but i know that i have the right to be happy; and my past will make me happy if it merges with my future. 


i can think of several different disney movies that can describe my confusion at the moment. sleeping beauty, cinderella, the little mermaid, hopefully finding nemo and hopefully the lion king.  --hopefully in the end, everything will turn out good and that i will not be so confused about what i'm supposed to be doing in my life right now.